Diary of an adult runaway

I left my braaaaaaaaaaaain.... Part II.

You know it's August in Paris when no fewer than 7 colleagues have you as the emergency contact on their out-of-office messages--not to mention the gypsies parking their caravan outside your office coz parking's free this month.

Whatever, it's quieter than expected, so it's back to Nationals, which, for the uninitiated, is the annual Romance Writers of America conference a.k.a. 4+ days of no sleep, lots of talk, truckloads of free books, and the occasional margarita.

Thursday evening: on Wednesday, when Paula had hauled me into the elevator in search of booze, a woman with black hair got RIGHT UP in my face. I was trying to decide whether it was a fight or flight situation when I realized it was Melissa James. Last time I checked--5 years ago, WTF?--she had red hair. So there was squealing, apologies (she's invited me to pop over to see her now that she lives in Switzerland and I haven't been yet) and a promise to catch up. Which we did Thursday night, with a few margaritas over dinner at Chevy's. It went like this: Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah! And oh! Blah blah blah! A few years ago, Melissa gave me a sneak peak at something special she'd just started working on and--fingers crossed--its time might have come. Bloody brill!

Melissa invited me to the Knight Agency party. Somehow along the way we met up with Nalini and Petre, and found the party. Another margarita, though none of us lasted long, we were all pretty tired. I did have the pleasure of meeting cool chica Rosemary Clement-Moore, who was up for a Rita for Prom Dates From Hell and who had the coolest pair of shoes. And talking with Petre helped me consolidate my agent pitch. Once we got back to the hotel, I found roomies Lucy and Linda-Carol asleep and so I took my bag of magic tricks down to the lobby and finalised my pitch, helped by Michael Hauge's ass-kickin' Sell Your Story in 60 Seconds, and surrounded by dozens of writers doing the same. Strange sense of peace to that.

Friday: Breakfast in the concierge lounge with Lucy and 2 of the nicest people you'd ever hope to meet, Sara Hantz and Amanda Ashby. Headed down for my pitch and observed some people I wouldn't think would need an agent (read: multi-MULTI-pubbed Hall of Famers) doing pitches. Which just goes to show that this business is always in a state of flux. Good to know. Pitch went well and I walked away with my conference goal: a request for the first 100 pages of Cora, my damaged Bettie Page-esque heroine. I love Cora. I love Holden even more. Cora will love him one day, too :-)

Next: an actual workshop! I know I've raved here previously about Eric Maisel's A Writer's San Francisco and A Writer's Paris, and now I get to rave about his 2-hour workshop. These are my notes as I jotted them down; buy his book Creativity For Life and they'll hopefully make more sense.

1. We use "I'm too busy" and "I'm too tired" as negative self-talk. To deal with it:

• Listen to what you say to yourself.
• Dispute what doesn't serve you, e.g. "I am tired but not too tired that I can't work on my book for 20 minutes." IOW, get a grip on your own mind.
• Substitute with affirmative language: "No, that thought really doesn't serve me."

Question the monkey mind--get used to distractions. Has to be a time each day when your to-do list doesn't exist.

2. Hold the intention to write, 24 hours a day. Enlist your brain at night. Go to sleep with a wonder rather than a worry. Wonder what Jane wants to say to Jack in Chapter 3. Write first thing in the morning to get what you've been thinking during the night. If you make meaning first thing then you can make meaning for yourself each day. (As in, make meaning of your life, as in "why the hell am I doing this.")

3. Choosing provokes anxiety. if we had to choose everything when we write, we'd write nothing. Most don't write enough because as soon as they come out of writing mode, they feel anxious but don't recognize it. Makes it hard to get back into writing.

4. Detach from the hope that everything you write will be excellent. Can't skip the things that don't work. Accept the fact that you're going to make mistakes and stop beating yourself up. Decide consciously to love your book, even on days when you hate it. However, sometimes you have to say "I love you, work," even as you abandon it.

5. Lots of writers get stuck instead of instituting practices. Show up each day and take it seriously. Don't buy into artificial contours of the universe: your creativity practice is up to you. Show up even if your current book has problems.

6. Change "seeking" meaning to "making" meaning--every day.

7. Problem with categories--limiting yourself, eliminating possibilities. E.g. I'm a writer, not a marketer--that means you've just done something bad for your marketing chances. Instead, think "I'm a writer, it's all available to me; today I choose to write fiction."

8. We can regenerate mental energy quickly by falling back in love with our work. The better job you do of staying in love with your work, the more energy you'll have.

9. We are always in the middle of our own personality. Must get into the habit of writing despite ourselves.

10. Mindfully and consciously figure out how to quieten your mind. 10 zen seconds: 5 secs intake while thinking "I am completely" followed by 5 secs of exhaling while thinking "stopping". Repeat 12 times. Celebrate daily writing successes then say "I return with strength" so you have strength for the rest of the day. Do some ritual to move from your normal way of thinking to "I get to create"--e.g. light a candle.

11. Goal-oriented process is no more viable than any other kind. (And I don't know what I mean by this so it's just as well the book is on its way to me.)

12. Can't eliminate anxiety, so embrace it. Deep breathing. Self-cognitive therapy (don't say things internally), guided visualisations, discharge techniques (silent screaming) (and now all non-writers will think we're completely barking!) Remind yourself that you're not the stupid person who wrote a bad book. Let go of the small things.

13. No reason to do this writing just as work, it must be loved work. Tell yourself "I'm not disciplined, I just love what I do." Be devoted, not disciplined.

14. Nobody know what depression, which is why it's hard to deal with. He believes writers suffer from existential depression. We have trouble maintaining meaning in what we do. Often we say "Why bother?" We need our own personal answers for that.

15. Be less scared of energy--in the face of repression, we must keep energy up.

16. Big distinction between being blocked (you really don't know where the book goes, you're stuck? and everyday resistance, the simple distance you are from your work. To beat that (no pun intended): crack an egg in a bowl and start working. As soon as you feel yourself coming out of the trance, stir the egg and shell for 15 seconds to lessen anxiety then get back to work.

17. Have your anxiety tools in place. Recognize magic formula: business provokes anxiety because it matters (which is why pitch sessions are such torture for some). Role play, rehearse, know how to speak about ourselves and our work.

We started running out of time here so people were calling numbers out, which is why this jumps around.

30. Many reasons we don't want to finish the book--when you finish, you have to read it and see if it's good. If it's not contracted, we have to think about selling it. So: complete, revise, market, move on.

26/27. Remember: books morph. Your first vision of the book might not be the last--or the best. we go into a book with a beautiful dream then we end up with the reality.

24. Have clear agreements with those in your life about your writing. Do not allow what should not happen to happen. Make it clear this isn't your indulgence--this is 2-3 hours a day that should be inviolate.

18. Know the reality of the business then don't be the rule. The rule isn't good enough. Do more than the next person. Check in with your agent every 16 days. Make a powerful web presence (or whatever's crucial in your arena). It's about survival, it doesn't need to be upsetting.

20. Hold an "abundance model"--recognize you can't write all the books in your head but you can get to them 1 by 1 (even if you can't, it helps lessen anxiety). Then you don't have to mourn the books you haven't finished. between books, write down all your projects (past, present, future)--it's your best opportunity to see what calls to you.

32. Regarding toxic criticism: detach. Always temporize--"I am not responding to you now. I am not having a feeling now." Write a Dear Critic letter (don't send!) where you vent--that's when you begin to notice your part in the process. You see where she was wrong as well as where she was right and you need to be better.

Somewhere in here I went to a publisher's booksigning. I think it was--yes, it was Avon! Again, I only got a few books--maybe 2?--and commiserated with a woman who'd just had her toes mashed by some greedy person running over them with a suitcase full of books on her way to get more and then ran into Rosie. La belle Rosie! We agreed to meet later for a chat, then I headed for the concierge lounge for some downtime and had one of my most interesting SF experiences. For it was then that I ran into a woman in her 90s who honestly didn't look like she should be let out of the house, she was so frail, wearing a pink beanie pulled low over whispy hair, but who determinedly traveled on her own and managed to stay at good hotels for bargain prices. She told me she often traveled to babysit for people (!!!???!!!) and that if they told her they'd pay her $75 in cash or $100 in Godiva vouchers, she'd take the vouchers. She'd lived in NYC for over 70 years, having worked for Governor Rockefeller for a long time, though she still had a very strong accent from her Kentucky childhood. To be honest, I don't know what the truth was but she was certainly still strongminded and strongwilled, and we had a good political discussion (she thought people protesting on the streets sent the wrong message to the US's enemies, while I thought it sent the right message to people who lived under regimes that killed people for protesting; we agreed people protesting naked probably wasn't the right way to go) and she made me laugh when, as I walked her to her room, she said "My name's Jill, you never did tell me yours."

Later Rosie came up, we went back to the concierge lounge, and found Jill digging into the desserts. I got another laugh when she asked for help making a hot chocolate and, when I delivered a cup with too much boiling water, told me to tip it out on the floor. Told her I'd just tip it in the kitchen sink then held a whispered conversation with the staff: No, she's not my grandma. No, I don't know her. Yes, she is travelling alone, can you believe it? So good to have the time to spend with Rosie, who's quickly turned into one of my fave people. Then she raced off to one party and Lucy and I went to another, blah-blah-blahing until we just couldn't do it anymore and took ourselves back to our feather beds.

Let's all sing along now: I left my braaaaaaaaaaaain....

...in Saaaaaaan Fraaaaaaaaanciscoooooooooooooo.

Seriously, that's how it feels. I'm only now assimilating all I took away from RWA National because, despite the fact that I attended a record low of workshops, they were the awesomest. And then there was all the out-of-workshop stuff. And all the people and the books and can we just give a huge holla to the Marriott for the best beds in the known universe? Seriously. Much appreciated.

Suffice to say, National is not for the faint of heart--2000+ women talking writing never is--and probably even more when you've spent the past 4 years in an environment where strangers don't talk to you. Well, not in English anyway. And not at conference speed, which is just a few degrees south of Mach 1, what with all the information you're getting and all the people you're catching up with or meeting for the first time. National is, quite simply, the few days of the year that you get to be with your tribe, and not one instant can be wasted.

Let's get some photos out of the way. The view from our room:

Aforementioned wonderful bed (not my shot; snatched from the Marriott website). Note the comforter that kept me toasty warm, perfect for nights sleeping with windows open and watching the morning fog wrap around the Bay Bridge:

The concierge lounge, a marvelous, fabulous retreat filled with goodies and the occasional oddbod:

  

Wednesday: The conference kicked off with the annual booksigning. I'll repeat the stats: 500 authors signing, over $50,000 raised for local literacy programs. Tamara came over from the East Bay for some gloriously unabashed fangrrl moments. I wasn't buying many books, seeing as I'd not long shipped home 2 massive boxes, but I was thrilled to get a copy of The Raven's Revenge, Gina Black's debut novel. I was even more thrilled to meet Gina herself. We've been online friends for something like 13 years and had tried to hook up in L.A. but couldn't get the timing right. Much squealing and hugging went on, which kinda set the tone for the whole event, as I caught up with Bron Jameson, Linda Style, Ann Roth, Mel Scott, Elizabeth Kerri Mahon, Trish Morey, Paula Roe, and met Nalini Singh for the first time (strange, considering I've been her webmistress for nigh on 6 years now!) ..and...and...I'm sure there were more, I was already on overload. Because! This will sound weird, but I'd forgotten how nice people can be. Isn't that sad? I mean, I work with a helluva lotta nice people, but when you live in a building with Crazy Marcelle and in a town where people can be so suspicious and grumpy, you tend to forget. Anyway, I picked up some books (note to Bron: Van. YUM!) then I had my own fangrrl moment. It's still official: Susan Elizabeth Phillips is the classiest writer I know:

After the signing, Tamara, Bron and I went to Mel's Drive-In, then I was supposed to go to some online chapter events but Paula Roe hauled me up to the bar on the 39th floor for margaritas (yeah, that was a real hardship) and next thing I know? Australians, Irish, English--drinking!! Who knew that could happen? Funny bastards, the lot of them. So sweet to be back with the clan.

Thursday: I was headed down for the conference opening session when I saw Gina and her way-too-cool/switched-on daughter Sara, and they informed me there was singing going on. Singing! Now, I'm usually always up for a good kumbaya, but not that day (I hear the session was really good; looking forward to the CDs). We changed course for the goodies room, where I picked up a few more things, then reported for my volunteering duty at the Registration desk. Interesting experience. Some really cool people, and I got to surreptitiously check out some industry folk. After that, it was off to lunch, with Victoria Alexander's excellent keynote speech. Sat with  strangers and had some great chats. That's one of the joys of National: you can always find something to talk about.

Lunch over, it was time for the PRO retreat--and to meet the people I'd been working with on the PRO Communications Team. Most noticeably, Nikki Duncan, who's a real powerhouse and has been busily interviewing agents and editors, so if you're a PRO member, look for them coming up in PROspects. Sherry Davis had lined up 5 agents to kick things off, and here's a (very) light recap of what they had to say:

Jennifer Schober of Spencerhill Associates:  loves to build relationships, communicates with her authors frequently, looks for professionalism and authors totally committed to writing their books, wants the magic to be spun from the query letter onward.

Barbara Poelle from Irene Goodman Agency: accepts e-mail queries, wants a 3-para query letter that explains "why this book, why me, why now", then paste the first 10 pages into the text of the email.

Laura Bradford: is hands-on; likes stuff that doesn't fit inside the box; will help in times of self-doubt; is looking for someone serious about their career, who will self-promote and is prepared to put in the hard work required; prefers hard-copy submission of QL, synopsis and the first 30 pages.

Laurie McLean from Larsen-Pomada: prefers e-mail submissions (no attachments; wants a synopsis that reads like a 1-2 page movie trailer, then paste in the first 10 pages), likes elevator pitches, wants queries to show they've researched her, gave kudos to Sourcebooks for being the first to go electronic with their fall catalogue, recommends you check out her blog. Oh, and she's funny. Anyone who witnessed her deadpan "Skip the petty" knows that.

Nathan Bransford of Curtis Brown: ...um...I have no notes. I don't understand this. The only thing I can put it down to is that I was laughing too much by that time. Seriously, excellent panel that played off each other beautifully, and I'm not surprised to read in Barbara's bio that she had a brief stint as a stand-up comedienne. Nathan is pretty much as he appears on his blog--i.e. savvy and speedy. Yes, he does actually read all his queries that quickly.

If you're thinking of submitting to them, they're all looking (check out their sites for what) and they all want to know one thing from the query letter: the hook, the book and the cook.

Phew! I'd planned to do this all as one post but it looks like I've been overambitious again, so more shortly.